


"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

by kwillpleasedont



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, i tagged the rape/non-con just in case but its mostly implied, max is mentioned very briefly like her name is said once, most of this is based on all of nathans unused audio, nathan has a panic attack, nothing graphic happens on that front, victoria mark and sean are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 16:57:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12635265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwillpleasedont/pseuds/kwillpleasedont
Summary: "My dad used to beat me. Now, you let Warren beat me."*this is just something i wrote for my son nathan prescott, based on a lot of his unused audio from the nightmare scene*





	"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

Nathan never expected Warren to be the one to beat the shit out him. He knew for a while that his behavior was out of control and someone was gonna have enough of it one day, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. He just didn't think that geeky Warren Graham was gonna be the one to do it.

Every second of the beating made his hair stand on end. It felt like his body was on fire, everything stung, even before Warren got his first swing in. From the second his eyes clocked Warren's fist raising, Nathan assumed the well rehearsed position.

He tried to curl into himself, protect his stomach and vital organs, but Warren had him in the perfect position to nail all his blows to Nathan's face. Throwing his hands up to block the blows did little to nothing, he just couldn't get a grip on all the things racing in his mind to focus. Something like this hadn't happened in months.

He tried not to move around too much, he always got in trouble for fidgeting or flinching. He tried really hard not to cry or beg too loudly, honest he did, but he couldn't stop it. The choked off tearful apologies and pleads fell on Warren's deaf ears. All Nathan could see was the rage in his eyes, the red of Warren's anger.

Nathan hates the anticipation the most. When they raise their hand and his heart beats a little faster in panic, waiting for the impact. The physical blows don't hurt so much anymore, he can take a good few of those without too much complaint, but the waiting always makes his blood pump faster, heart beat quicker, so loud he can hear it in his ears. He can't even hear his own sobs anymore. What was Warren saying? His mouth is moving but he can't make out what Warren is shouting at him- oh god why can't he hear anything but his-

When it was over, after he'd stumbled away clutching his stomach, he made his way back to his room. Usually after a beating, he'd go to Victoria, pour his poor bleeding heart out to her and she'd hold him while he cried. But not after that, not after Warren. It was different. Warren wasn't Sean or Mark. Warren wasn't a bad man.

He turned his phone off and locked his door, keeping the light off. Word was gonna spread quickly and he knew Victoria would be calling him, asking if he's alright, if he needed anything, and Nathan just wanted silence. He wanted to be left alone.

He wobbled over to the window, glancing out at the courtyard only briefly before closing the blinds and pulling the blackout curtains shut, making it completely dark. He placed his phone down gently on his desk and stumbled back, feeling disoriented from so many thoughts attacking him at once.

He trips over something, falling onto his injured side. He curls into himself then, when Warren isn't holding him down and he can move. His breathing quickens and he shields his face like he couldn't before.

There it goes again. His heart. Beating too loud in his ears. It's so loud, what if he goes deaf? At least then maybe he won't have to hear Mark's voice again.

Oh God.  _Mark._

Mark works Nathan up in a way he previously thought impossible. Sure Sean scared the living shit out of Nathan, but he was nothing compared to the absolute monster Mark Jefferson is. At least Sean never pretended he cared, he was always very transparent with his feelings for Nathan, laying all his cards out for Nathan to see.

Mark was sneaky, he lied. He lied to Nathan. He gained Nathan's trust with sweet words whispered in his ears, words that made his heart race. He trusted Mark and Mark- Mark used him. Used him over and over again until there was nothing left of Nathan. Until Nathan was nothing more than Mark's lapdog, doing everything he told him to.

 _No, not like that. How many times do_ _I_ _have to tell_ _you_ _, Nathan? Why_ _don't_ _you_ _listen? I said do it the other way._

He learned very quickly how Mark wanted him to act and Nathan, being the small scared boy he was, adapted. Nathan didn't know what to do. Mark was a powerful man that could ruin Nathan's already messy academic career if he wanted to.

But when it started, Mark was sweet. He let Nathan come to him after class and cry about the nasty email Sean sent him recently. He poured his heart out, telling Mark how he never felt good enough, telling Mark every last one of his darkest secrets because he thought he could trust Mark. Mark who was like a father to him.

The father Sean never wanted to be.

And one day, Nathan showed Mark the room he always spoke about. The dark room that Sean would lock him in when he  _just_ _wouldn't_ _listen._  The room Sean eventually agreed to let Nathan use to practice his photography. It changed pretty quickly after that.

Mark wanted to use the room, and Nathan let him, no questions asked. Didn't question when Mark told him to stand in front of the camera, to pose. Didn't question when Mark sighed unhappily and made his way over to take off Nathan's jacket.

When Mark had taken off the white cardigan he wore underneath his letterman jacket, he understood what was going on. He fought then, when he was just left in his t-shirt and jeans. His breathing quickened and he pushed Mark away, only to be slapped.

Open palm, right across his cheek.

Most people would've kept fighting, a little slap meant nothing if you could gain freedom after taking it, but Nathan didn't. He gave up. Too many years pressed so tightly under Sean's thumb taught him it was easier to just take it and compartmentalize it later than to have this obviously stronger opponent beat the shit out of him.

So, he posed the way Mark wanted him to. Acted the way Mark wanted him to. Took it the way Mark wanted him to.

And he never told anyone. Because Mark would kill him. First academically and then literally. He threatened it when Nathan fought him; grabbed his chin in a bruising grip, looked him straight in the eyes, and said he would kill Nathan if he ever said anything about this.

 _I don't wanna die. I_ _don't_ _wanna die. I_ _don't_ _wanna die. I_ _don't_ _wanna die, please!_

Nathan only snaps out of reliving those terrible moments when someone knocks on his door. He wants to pretend like he's not there, there's no light coming from under the crack in the door so the person on the other end would be none the wiser, but it's the words that follow that persuade him to get his breathing back to normal and crawl over to the door.

"Nathan? It's me...Warren? Please open up." Nathan thought for sure it was gonna be Mark. He's surprised to hear that Warren doesn't sound angry, but Nathan knows people are deceiving. He shouldn't trust Warren, he shouldn't unlock the-

He shifts up on to his knees and then to his feet. He shuffles over to the door and takes a second to breathe. When he opens the door, Warren is standing there, knuckles wrapped, holding something.

Nathan doesn't say anything. He said his piece after they fought, he apologized, and he meant it. So he waits for Warren, keeping his eyes locked on Warren's shoes. Nathan always looked down when he was in trouble, Sean never wanted to see his face while he was yelling at him.

"I...I brought this." Warren says, stretching his hand out to Nathan, making him flinch involuntarily. Nathan slowly raises his eyes to Warren's hands and sees he's holding an ice pack. Nathan takes it and presses it to the part of his cheek that hurts the most.

"Why is it so dark in here? Why didn't you turn on the lights?" Warren asks, surprising Nathan with the random question. Nathan doesn't know how to answer. He's not about to tell Warren he was too busy reliving memories in his head to give a shit about turning the lights on, so he shrugs.

"Watch your eyes." Warren says.

_What a stupid fucking comment how can I watch my own-_

Warren reaches his long arm past Nathan and into his room, flicking on the light. Nathan panics for a second and places a hand lightly on Warren's chest, gently pushing him out of his room. He reaches up and flicks the light back off with the shake of his head.

"Okay, fine, no lights. Can I come in?" Warren asks. Nathan wants to say no, it'd be so easy to slam the door in Warren's face and tell him to get fucked, but he can't right now. Warren beat all that out of him for the time being so he shrugs again and moves out of the way for Warren to step inside, shutting the door after him.

"Listen...I'm really sorry. I don't know what got into me, that was totally uncalled for. Even if I was pissed at you, I shouldn't have done that." Warren sighs. And it's only now that the lights are off and Nathan can't really see him does he raise his eyes to meet Warren's.

"I'm sorry." Nathan says, repeats it in his head like a mantra, like he knows he should.

"Weren't you listening? I'm the one who's apologizing."

 _Weren't_ _you_ _listening to me,_ _Nathan_ _? I said tilt your head the other_ _way_ _,_ _useless_ _bastard. Are you_ _choosing_ _to defy me or are you really just that_ _incompetent_ _that you_ _can't_ _follow a simple instruction?_

No, no, no. Nathan can't be thinking about Mark right now. Not when Warren Graham is in his room, asking for forgiveness.

Something he knows he'll never get from Mark.

And some greedy part of Nathan, the most selfish, wants to take Warren's apology and frame it on his wall like a high school diploma. He wants the fact that someone said the words 'I'm sorry' to be forever commemorated. But he knows he's not allowed such pleasures, he was the one that messed up and Warren beating him was just what he deserved so he shakes his head.

"No. It was my fault. I'm sorry, I really am, I'm really sorry." Nathan whimpers. He wishes he could take back the pitiful noise that left him after that, but he can't, and Warren catches it. Warren will know something's up now. _Oh God, what do I do? Maybe I could make a run for it?_

"Nathan? Are you-were you crying? Before I came in?" Warren asks awkwardly, stepping closer to Nathan.

Nathan trips on the exact same thing he did before. He doesn't have time to curse it in his head because once he's on the floor he hears Warren's quick steps closing the gap between them.

Nathan moves as far away from Warren as possible and whimpers again while shielding his face with his hands.

"I-I'm sorry! I said I was sorry! I-I was acting like a brat, I know, I'll stop, promise!" Nathan spits out, too quickly for his head to catch up.

He blocks his face with his forearms, hands fisting his hair, waiting for Warren to hit him for begging like that, so  _pathetic_. But Warren never hits him.

Nathan doesn't want to look, so he doesn't. He lays on the cold, unforgiving floor of his room, and shakes. He can't stop it, he's trembling on the floor like when he was a child. He doesn't even have the mind to care about being embarrassed right now, that this is Warren Graham in front of him and not his tyrannical father.

He flinches when a gentle hand is placed on his rib cage.

"Hey, Nathan? Can you hear me?"

"Don't! Please! I-I promise I'll stop! I'll be good! I'll be good." Nathan panics, trailing off towards the end. He really doesn't want to get hit again, his face already hurts so much and he can practically feel the bruises forming on his sides.

"Nathan, it's just me buddy, it's Warren. Warren Graham, okay? I'm not gonna do anything, alright? I'm just gonna sit here with you until you're alright." Warren says, the hand resting on his ribs lightly brushing up and down his side soothingly.

Nathan wants to believe him, he really does, but he can't stop the trembles that shake their way through his body when Warren places even the slightest touch on him. He lays completely still, hoping Warren will lose interest in him and leave.

But he doesn't.

Nathan can't tell what time it is, but he knows it must be late because he can hear the noises Warren's phone makes to notify him of a text message. It must be Max or someone wondering where he is. Judging by how often it's going off, Warren must've been here for a while. Warren uses his free hand to pull it out of his pocket and respond.

Nathan works up the courage to open one of his eyes and peer over at him. His brow is furrowed as he responds to the messages, his other hand still resting on Nathan's side. He shakes when he takes a deep breath in.

"Nathan? Do you want me to get someone for you?" Warren asks finally. Nathan wanted silence, he wanted peace, but right now he just wants Victoria, so he nods.

"V-Victoria. Get Toria." He mumbles, hands tightly fisted in the carpet now.

Warren gets up to find Victoria, leaving Nathan alone on his floor. It's cold and dark and Nathan wants Victoria's warm hand running through his hair, reminding him everything is okay with her there, reassuring him that as long as she's around she won't let them hurt him.

But Victoria doesn't know about Mark and Nathan fears she never will. He can't tell anyone, he just lets it fester inside him. The maggots of shame and guilt eating away at his heart like he's already dead.

**Author's Note:**

> idk this might lead to me writing more and this becoming a chaptered thing but im not sure


End file.
